MILLION DOLLAR KID
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Nicholls education student aces national contest
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What makes a good Mother? Is it patience? Compassion? Broad hips? Or is it heart? Is it the ache she feels when she watches her son or daughter disappear down the street, walking to school alone for the very first time? The following is a job description for a Mother.
Position: Mother, Mom, Mama
Job Description: Long term, team players needed, for challenging permanent work in an often chaotic environment. Candidates must possess excellent communication and organizational skills and be willing to work variable hours, which include evenings and weekends and frequent 24-hour shifts on call. Some overnight travel required, including primitive camping trips on rainy weekends and endless sports tournaments in far away cities. Travel expenses not reimbursed. Extensive courier duties are also required.
Responsibilities: Lifelong commitment to the education, development and growth of those in her charge physically, emotionally, intellectually, and spiritually. Must be willing to be hated, at least temporarily. Must be willing to bite tongue repeatedly. Also, must possess the physical stamina to go from zero to 60 mph in three seconds flat when the screams from the backyard are not someone just crying wolf. Must be able to nurse a baby, cook dinner, and sew a button on a shirt, simultaneously.
Must be willing to face stimulating technical challenges, such as small gadget repair, mysteriously sluggish toilets and stuck zippers. Must screen phone calls, maintain calendars and coordinate production of multiple homework projects. Must be able to plan and organize social gatherings for clients of all ages and mental outlooks. Must be willing to be indispensable one minute, and embarrassed the next. Must handle assembly and product safety testing of a half million cheap, plastic toys, and battery operated devices. Must always hope for the best but be prepared for the worst. Must assume final, complete accountability for the quality of the product. Responsibilities also include floor maintenance and janitorial work throughout the facility.
Possibility for Advancement and Promotion: Virtually none. Her job is to remain in the same position for years, without complaining, constantly retraining and updating your skills, so that those in her charge can ultimately surpass her.
Experience: None required unfortunately. On-the-job training offered on a continually exhausting basis.
Wages and Compensation: Amazingly, she pays those in her charge with frequent raises and bonuses. A balloon payment is due when they turn eighteen because of the assumption that college will help them become financially independent. When she dies, she gives them whatever is left. The oddest thing about this reverse-salary scheme is that she actually enjoys it and wishes she could only do more.
Benefits: While no health or dental insurance, no pension, no tuition reimbursement, no paid holidays and no stock options are offered, this job supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth and free hugs for life if she plays her cards right.
The following is a prayer for all who have accepted the above responsibilities:
Ever loving God, you compared your own love for your people to the love a mother has for her children. Look with love and kindness on all mothers. Give them comfort in moments of sorrow, and joy in their work for their families. Listen to their prayers and bless them in all they do for you and their families. Let them share with Jesus, your Son, and Mary, our mother, in the everlasting happiness of heaven. We ask this through Christ our Lord. Amen.
A Spanish Proverb says, “An ounce of mother is worth a pound of clergy.” To all of you mothers, HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY!
